Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
