I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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