I don't usually arrange sex via text message
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
