I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
