I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
