She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
they're like a gay fantastic four
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
