ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
