You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
