i just had sex bonerless
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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