how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
