Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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