Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
don't judge my taste in strippers
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
