dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
