the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just high enough for therapy.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
