I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
