I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
