My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
