i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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