I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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