i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im holly from the hills drunk
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
