How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
