They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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