We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she told me i tasted like america
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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