I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
