You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
