I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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