I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
