I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize