We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
