My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
organizing the empties. That sober.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
