I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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