theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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