At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
