There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
