I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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