I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
