just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
