I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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