"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
