we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
