What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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