I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
