I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
