i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
