You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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