I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
