kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
