you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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