My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
