Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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