So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize