i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
