I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm sobbing to NWA
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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