we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
