Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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