i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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