We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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