So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize