Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
