Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
