took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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