I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
