STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
