I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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