the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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