Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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