My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
handjob tips. give me some.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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