Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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