I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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