They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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