Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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