Me. At least after what I've been through.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
