So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
