If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
