Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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