I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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