someone threw a dead crab at me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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