WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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