he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
