Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
