is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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