Pants 0. Shit 1.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize