He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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