DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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