Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
babies were throwing up all over the place
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just gift wrapped bread.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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