im holly from the hills drunk
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
