Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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