he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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