i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
