I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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