Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
