i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
