capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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