...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
