I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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