and you said cock pushups were impossible
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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