If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize