last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
