she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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