i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
