put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
