He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
