is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
