I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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