Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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