My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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