Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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