cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Is it penis luge time yet?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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