no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
