DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize