do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My ATM looks so different sober.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
