Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
